


Earth's Mightiest Heroes: The Avengers and Hawkguy

by Owlwithafringe



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Advice, Burning buildings, Clint vs The Media, Egg Mayo Sandwiches, Gen, Humor, Intervention, Old Ladies, Press Conference, Press and Tabloids, Purse Beatings, Rooftops, Set After Captain America: The Winter Soldier but before The Avengers: Age of Ultron, Vomiting, hotdogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3983866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlwithafringe/pseuds/Owlwithafringe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint was often the unseen Avenger, the last one to be noticed, the last one to be listed in an article or on the news, but he really didn't mind. He was proud of what he did and as long as he was acknowledged for his achievements then in his eyes, everything was fine.</p><p>So when he was reading an article about the Avengers, it was understandable when he threw it away from him in disgust, like it had personally offended him, <i>which</i> by the way, it had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Hawkguy

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [Tumblr post](http://ofboysandravens.tumblr.com/post/124502491203/dontcallmelegolas-oswinstark-romvnov/).
> 
> This is a self indulgent fic from the notoriously lazy writer, Owlwithafringe, dedicated to the Marvelous (ayy? ayy?) and underrated *checks smudged ink on hand* Hawkguy.

Clint Barton was the type of guy who was used to being overlooked. In fact, he was quite pleased about the fact. It made life so much easier if people underestimated you, and besides he didn't much like the limelight. He was the guy who watched from the rafters, watching the world go by with a bird's eye view. 

His friends though, _the Avengers_ , were usually the tabloid stars. Clint was a simple man. He needed his arrows and a target, and he'd get his job done quietly and efficiently. His friends on the other hand didn't seem to understand the phrase 'top secret mission' and usually ended up trashing a half a city in the process. Have you heard of notorious villain Crossfire? No, that's because he did his fucking job properly.

It wasn't just the job though that caught the media's attention. They also seemed to have dramatic personal lives; Nat took down SHIELD and threw some serious shade at the Government for trying to take her down. Damn, he was proud of her. And slightly intimidated. He'd hate to see her and what she'd do when she was having a really bad day.

Bruce Banner was an accomplished scientist in his own right, never mind the fact that he was also the failed product of a high profile experiment. 

And then of course Steve and Bucky had both caused quite the stir up when it was revealed to the press that America's heroes from the War were both alive: One frozen, and the other gallivanting as a Russian assassin for the last half century. They'd caused an even bigger outcry when they'd come out as an sickeningly adorable couple when they turned up at a Pride Parade covered in glitter and made out on a float like a couple of horny teenagers.

And Tony Stark..? Well. Enough said about him. He doesn't exactly need an explanation.

So yes, Clint was often the unseen Avenger, the last one to be noticed, the last one to be listed in an article or on the news, but he really didn't mind. He was proud of what he did and as long as he was acknowledged for his achievements then in his eyes, everything was fine.

So when he was reading an article about the Avengers, it was understandable when he threw it away from him in disgust, like it had personally offended him, _which_ by the way, it had. 

They were explaining the Avenger's latest appearance at a Charity Ball of Tony's, listing each hero and their alias. Clint was last, not much of a surprise, but it was came next that pissed him off. 

_"High profile guests were present, including some of the Avengers. Reportedly seen was America's favourite, Captain Steve Rogers (Captain America) along with Sargent James "Bucky" Barnes (The Winter Soldier). Agent Natasha Romonov, better known as Black Widow was also seen with Doctor Bruce Banner (The Hulk) and Agent Clint Barton (Hawkguy). Notably absent was Scandinavian God of Thunder, Thor, who inside sources say is allegedly spending time with scientist girlfriend, Doctor Jane Foster.."_

Hawkguy.

Hawk _guy_.

They could at least have gotten the name right. Was he seriously so forgettable that they couldn't even remember his name? It was just plain rude. 

There were times he felt like he regretted joining the Avengers, and being seen as having to be a good guy. Now was one of those times, because last time he checked assassinating journalists was not something a good guy did. Sadly. 

Though to be honest, the only thing Clint was really worried about was if Tony ever saw the article. Clint would have to change his identity entirely then, just to get away from the shit Tony would give him.

Maybe it was Clint's turn now to do something to get in the media. Something that would ensure that they'd never forget his name again.


	2. Chapter 2: Old School Hero

Being a part of the Avengers was overrated Clint had found. Sure, they all saved the world that one time. Or maybe it had been that two times. Who was counting? (Ok, maybe he was.) But what else had they really done? Top secret work for the government? That wasn’t being a super hero. That was being a hero, that was being a spy, a gun for hire.

As a kid Clint had loved comic book super heroes. He’d even had a few Captain America comic books not that he’d ever tell Steve. Watching Phil embarrass himself with his collectors cards had been more than enough thank you very much.

Those kind of heroes in his comics though, they didn’t save the world from nuclear bombs or weird alien attacks. No, they stop jewellery store robberies and saved kittens from trees and helped little old ladies cross the road. The sort of thing that Captain America did before he was Captain America. Well maybe not the jewellery store part but the classic hero good guy act. 

This is why Clint decided to take inspiration from Steve and wanted to try doing an old school act of heroism. He was going to help an old lady cross the road.

 

*****

 

**[‘HAWKGUY GETS BEATEN UP BY OLD LADY’S PURSE’](http://owlwithafringe.tumblr.com/post/128036055618/newspaper-clipping-for-my-fic-earths-mightiest/)**

 

The bolded headline stared at him accusingly at Hawkeye threw the newspaper down in front of him in disgust. Not quite the headline he had been hoping for. They hadn't even gotten his name right. Again. It was back to the drawing board then. 

In hindsight he should have realised that dropping from nowhere in his leathery Avenger’s costume and taking the old women’s arm should have startled the old biddy. And of course there had been a reporter lurking nearby, camera at the ready to take so high definition shots of Hawkeye’s pummeling. 

Clint winced looking at the photo, the bruises on his arms making themselves be felt. For an old woman who looked like the breeze would topple her over at any moment, she sure had a strong hit. 

There was no use trying to hide this from his team mates. They’d all see it and have a good laugh about it, not to mention it’s a PR nightmare. He was going to have Maria and Pepper on his ass for this. Like the day could get any worse.

And that’s when his cell phone began to ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Click here to see the article!](http://owlwithafringe.tumblr.com/post/128036055618/newspaper-clipping-for-my-fic-earths-mightiest/) :)


	3. Chapter 3: Upstaged

“Hello?”

“I just read the morning paper. Good job Hawkwonder. She looked pretty spry for an older woman.”

Tony fucking Stark. Fantastic. Clint groaned into the receiver. Tony carried on speaking as if he hadn’t heard Clint’s pained groan. His voice contained a thinly veiled amusement: he was enjoying this. Clint was never going to hear the end of it.

“Get any good hits in? What was she then? HYDRA? Master assassin?” He voice took on a tone of overdramatic horror. “A Republican?”

“She had one hell of a right hook.”

“Accosted in the street by an old women,” Tony laughed, “What the hell did you do to provoke her? I mean sometimes I have the urge to hit you too but I wouldn’t start on you on the sidewalk.”

“The feelings mutual Stark. Though it’s more ‘always’ than ‘sometimes’.” Clint grumbled. There was an expectant silence on the end, prompting him to answer the question. “I was trying to her help cross the road.”

There was a beat of silence, as if Stark was waiting for the punch line. Then laughter. Lots of it. Asshole.

“Did you call me up just to laugh at me?”

“Pretty much.”

“How mad is Pepper?” Clint asked tentatively. 

“She’s dealing with this shit storm. I’m surprised she hasn’t shown up on your doorstep yet.” Tony replied still chuckling. 

Clint groaned again. “I’m so fucked.”

“Pretty much.” Tony laughed before quickly being more serious again. Clint still didn’t like his tone of voice. “Look, I’m not gonna ask you why you decided you need to help an old lady cross the road but I do know you need some good PR right now so listen. There’s a hospital on fire not far from here. Plenty of camera crews outside documenting it, the whole works. According to JARVIS not everyone has gotten out yet. Could be your opportunity to get back into Pepper’s good books, bird brains.”

Clint mulled it over for a moment. “Thanks.” He hung up the phone and threw it onto the couch. He left up and ran to the window before leaping out of it. Saving babies from a burning building? That would do exactly the trick.

 

*****

 

Some hours later Clint crawled back through his window. He was covered in ash and felt slightly like he had been barbecued. Sweat was pouring from every pore but he had managed to do his job. He’d saved the babies. In front of the cameras no less. His reputation would be fixed.

He lay down on the couch, exhaustion taking over and he checked his cell. He had a text from Tony.

_’ Check the news.’_

Clint smirked. News travelled fast then. Excellent. He clicked on the TV using the remote and switched to the news channel, ready for his moment of glory.  


The main story of the night was being played:

**Bucky Barnes makes a Twitter account.**

The anchors were discussing how many followers he’d gotten in the two hours he had been signed up, and theorising what they should expect to see from the war hero.

In a small corner of the screen it read, ‘Hawkguy saves babies from burning hospital.’ Clint was deaf, not blind, but he could barely make out what it said, the font was so small.

_No._

“Are you fucking kidding me!?”


	4. Chapter 4: Prawn Mayo

The next morning Clint woke up to someone knocking on his door. It sounded more like they were trying to knock it down rather than get Clint’s attention. 

He’d fallen asleep on his couch in defeat, not bothering to change or have a shower. As a result his sofa was now covered in soot and ash from the hospital. The staining was so bad, the whole couch was probably unsalvageable just adding more and more good news to Clint’s already fantastic day. Couches were expensive and the Avenger’s surprisingly didn’t pay that well considering that they saved the world.

He hauled himself and trudged his way to the door. Whoever was there did not sound happy from the hard, sharp knocks. 

He swung open the door to reveal the flushed face of Pepper. Of course she looked utterly professional as usual in her power suits, without a single hair out of place, but she was clearly worked up.

Pepper Potts was a very busy woman, both managing Stark Industries _and_ the Avengers. With the Avenger’s though, she had a whole team working for her dealing with PR and the media so she didn’t often deal with ‘situations’ personally unless it was an absolute emergency. So the fact that she had turned up at Clint’s door meant that his day was now going from bad to worse.

She pushed pass him and entered the apartment, taking a moment to compose herself before perching on the arm of the sofa. 

“Before you say anything,” Clint began, “It really wasn’t that bad. And yesterday I saved babies from a burning building.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow, “Believe me Clint, it really is that bad. The Avenger’s power is being called into question since you couldn’t defend yourself against an old lady. The whole team is being scrutinised because of that stupid headline.”

“But the babies?”

“Didn’t make the headline.”

Clint crossed his arms. “It’s not my fault Bucky Barnes’ Twitter account is apparently more important than babies.”

“No, it isn’t your fault but we need to handle some serious damage control.” Pepper replied soothingly. Clint could tell from her body language that she was seriously restraining herself from massaging her temples. Maybe it really was as bad as she was saying, if she was that stressed.

“What are you suggesting then?” 

“A press conference. Right now at the Tower.”

“Wait, what?”

She stood up and began to push Clint through the door. “Yes now. There’s a car waiting outside ready to drive us.”

“But I haven’t showered! Or eaten?” Clint protested, trying to think of numerous reasons why springing a surprise press conference on him was a really bad idea. Pepper brushed a bit of ash out of Clint’s hair.

“Much better. And I’d already thought about that – there’s a sandwich waiting in the car for you.”

“Are you joking?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” Pepper grumbled. Clint took the hint not to unleash the dragon and promptly shut his mouth and followed her silently to the car. Pepper sat in the front seat with Happy and tossed back a sandwich as Clint clipped his seat belt in.

“What is this?”

“I hope you like prawn mayo.” Pepper replied, nails tapping against her phone having completed her mission of getting Clint to the conference, and now moving to her next course of action.

“Great.” Clint mumbled, tearing off the packaging. Now it wasn't his favourite kind but the ache in his stomach wasn’t feeling particularly fussy about what it ate. He practically inhaled the sandwich, eating them in three large mouthfuls much to the obvious disgust of Happy in the driver’s seat. It was just as well though because the journey was short and Clint wouldn’t have wanted to get out of the car with half a sandwich hanging from his mouth.

Clint followed Pepper into the Tower, feeling a bit more familiar on his own turf. He’d done this before tons of times; he could do it now too. Hopefully.

He walked into the room where the conference was being held. On the stage was a panel of familiar faces, already waiting for Clint to arrive. The audience was a crowd of reporters preparing for the panel. Like lions waiting for feeding time at the zoo.

The questions or at least who would be asking the questions were usually prearranged by Pepper so they didn’t usually get many nasty surprises, which was a reassuring thought. Hopefully it would be the same today.

Clint took his seat at the panel shrugging at the inquisitive glances from Nat. At the other end of the table Tony was giving him the thumbs up to which Clint subtly flipped him off. Somewhere off to the side Pepper began to speak into a microphone.

“Thank you ladies and gentlemen of the press for joining us on such short notice for our Avenger’s conference. I’d like to remind you all to keep your questions suitable and relevant. Excellent, so first up we have Ms Hooper from The New York Times asking our first question of the day.”

Pepper stepped away and went to take a seat in the first row and Clint’s thoughts began to wander before the reporter had even finished asking her question. It wasn’t fault that these conferences were so boring and it wasn’t very often a question was actually directed from him. Luckily, being a spy gave him a useful skill set other than killing, like being to keep his expression interested and thoughtful while he took a mini nap in his head. Another perk was knowing when to grunt in agreement at the right intervals even when he had no idea what was being said. It was pretty sweet actually.

The microphone passed from person to person, asking their questions. Steve and Tony spoke the most: Steve being the unofficial leader of the Avengers and Tony because he could never resist adding a comment on everything.

Nothing of interest really happened other than some idiot asking Nat what her diet and fitness routine was to fit into her tight uniform (she said, ‘killing men’ to which Pepper nearly had an aneurysm) and someone from some obscure blog prying a little too much into Steve and Bucky’s love life. It was mostly just affirming that the Avengers were a strong team but were ‘just like you’. And Clint was mostly left alone, much to his relief since about forty minutes into the panel his stomach began to make some really weird sounding noises.

It felt like it was cramping and was certainly gurgling though luckily not loud enough for the microphone to pick up on but it hurt like hell. Clint wondered if he was still hungry, not being unused to his stomach protesting whenever he hadn’t fed himself properly. His thought was cut off though by a journalist on the front row, a mere arm’s length away, saying his name.

“Huh?”

“I said, this question goes to Hawkeye.” They repeated looking slightly impatient. But hey, at least they got his name right. That was a win.

“Oh yeah, that’s me.” Everyone let a polite chuckle and Clint cringed internally. He wasn’t trying to make a joke, and he certainly wasn’t failing at it. “Go ahead.”

“I wanted to know your side of the story about the whole ‘pursegate’ incident. What are your thoughts?”

The room erupted into murmurs, everyone apparently wanting to know the answer but none of them wanting to breach into the subject of it.

“Umm.. Well..” Clint began. He could feel his brow sweating and everything was starting to become a bit woozy. “I..”

He opened his mouth to defend himself and explain the whole misunderstanding.. and promptly vomited all over the reporter. The reporter stood in shock for a moment before she started shrieking. Camera flashes were going off everywhere and the whole room burst into energy.

And all Clint could do was wipe away the sick on the corner of his mouth and think, ‘Oh no, not again’ before passing out.


	5. Chapter 5: Fridge of Shame

The shared fridge in the kitchen of the Avengers Tower was slowly becoming Clint’s wall of shame, courtesy of Tony’s amusement. 

Once again, his moment of shame had been captured on camera but this time it had not been a lone photographer, no, but pretty much every journalist in the Western World.

Someone with quick reflexes had managed to get a photo of the action shot. It was the one all the newspapers and magazines were using. He’d even made the new headline – though they were still saying his name wrong.

After Clint had emptied the contents of his stomach on the reporter and then promptly passed out, Steve went into Captain America Hero Mode and carried Clint out of the conference – Bridal style. Horribly embarrassing of course but now he would forever lament over the missed opportunity of finding out if Steve’s pecs were really as firm as they looked.

They took him to the hospital wing (Clint didn’t even know they had one – though he should have guessed. The Tower was an operational mini city in itself) and was treated and tested for different contaminants in case someone had tried to kill him.

Naturally, it just turned out that the prawns in his sandwich were just a bit dodgy. Pepper looked quite sheepish when she admitted she had picked it up from the discount shelf in her hurry – it was past it’s sell by date.

Clint wanted to feel bad for her but this time the whole situation was on her and instead of the conference reiterating Clint’s heroicness, it established what a loser he was.

Within the hour Pepper released a statement to make it up to Clint, saying Clint had been poisoned by a HYRDA Agent and was lucky to be alive blah blah he was a national hero blah blah great man blah blah blah, but it was too late for it. The press didn’t care if Clint was friggen Ghandi, they had a money making story and were rolling with it.

Which led them up to this point – later that evening with Clint standing in front of the fridge about to search for something to eat that wouldn’t make an appearance again later with his ‘greatest hits’ tacked onto the fridge with magnets. What an asshole.

Clint opened the fridge and inspected the contents. Inside were largely empty shelves with a few boxes of leftover takeout and some bottles of milk barely making a dent in the space. Clint slammed the door shut in disgust, the glass bottles rattling with the power of it. The fridge was woefully neglected food-wise and no doubt Clint would be the one that would have to go shopping. Unless he could guilt trip Steve into it? There was a thought.

“Agent Barton?” JARVIS’s computerised voice spoke overheard, startling Clint out of his quest for food.

“What’s up JARVIS?”

“Captain Rogers requires your presence in the board room.”

“Why?”

“Forgive me Agent Barton but I believe the phrase he used was, ‘team meeting’.”

Clint groaned. “Fantastic. Tell him I’ll be right there.”

Clint wasn’t sure if computers could sound nervous, but as JARVIS spoke again he sure as hell sounded like it. “Captain Rogers also request that you don’t travel via the ventilation system.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Clint agreed, rolling his eyes. “Captain killjoy.”

Clint made his way to the board room and opened the door. It revealed his team mates (bar Thor) sat around a table with Steve standing its head, all obviously waiting for him.

“Ladies.” Clint greeted as he took a seat next to Natasha.

Steve nodded and took it as his queue to begin talking. “In light of recent events I thought it best if we had a meeting of us all together so we could communicate effectively as a group.” He turned to Clint, eyes questioning. “Clint?” 

“Hmmm?”

“What do you think?” Steve asked. 

“Of what?” Clint replied. His team mate’s eyes were watching him expectantly, and it was only then as they waited for his response that he began to process everything. “Hang on.. Is this an intervention?”

“Intervention is such a strong word.” Steve floundered glancing at their team mates for help.

Sam jumped in, taking over and trying to save Steve’s point. “We’re just concerned about you man, that’s all. Is there anything going on that you want to share with us?”

“Well, Pepper tried to kill me with a sandwich earlier today, in case you missed that. And I learnt that Tony’s a sadist. Though I’m pretty sure we all already knew that.”

“It’s not just that though.”

“What then?” Clint protested. It all felt a bit surreal. All his friends were ganging up on him and he had no way to defend himself. He was in his jammies for fucks sake.

“There was the thing with the old lady..” 

“That was all a misunderstanding!” Clint interjected.

Steve carried on talking as if Clint hadn’t interrupted him, “and you turned up to a press conference covered in ash and dust?”

“Once again, this was Pepper’s fault. She should have given me some warning so I could’ve gotten a shower.”

“What were you doing though? You weren’t on a mission, we checked.”

“I saved tiny babies from a burning building.” Clint replied, his face completely straight. His own team didn’t trust him enough that they had to check on him? Behind him he could hear Tony’s muffled chuckling, as if he was trying to hold in his laughter. 

Steve looked doubtful of Clint’s story. “I didn’t hear anything about that.”

Clint cast a glare over at Bucky whose attention had been on playing with a fraying thread on his shirt until his name was mentioned. “That’s because your boyfriend here got Twitter. He was trending world fucking wide.”

Bucky shrugged and smirked. “It’s not my fault I’m cooler than you.”

“Yeah, you can say that again _Winter_ Soldier.” Clint snarked and Bucky narrowed his eyes. Tony was outright laughing now and Natasha and Bruce had started up a conversation of their own, taking in no interest in what was occurring at the table.

Steve struggled to take back control of the table as the tension began to grow. Once again Sam stepped in and saved the day.

“Ok guys, let’s settle down now. Clint, what’s going on with you man?” 

Clint inspected Sam’s face. The concern there was genuine, no doubt about it. He was a soldier, not a spy and Clint wasn’t sure Sam could hide his emotions even if he knew how to. Clint considered lying but then dismissed the idea. What was the point? They’d all find out eventually, and it wasn’t as if Tony big mouth Stark didn’t know already. It was just a matter of time.

“I’ve been trying to good things. Heroic things.”

“Heroic things?” His expression was starting to mirror Steve’s one of doubt.

“I love you guys, don’t get me wrong. But you’re all heroes. Everyone loves you, everyone dotes on you. I’m lucky if people even remember I’m there, let alone my name.”

“Clint-“ Steve began to protest but he trailed off as Clint spoke over him.

“Oh come off it. Natasha’s a mega hot super spy. Bruce is a genius. Tony’s a genius who made a fuck ton of money out of it. You and Bucky are War Heroes. Like you’re Captain America dude. And Thor’s a fucking _God_. Me? I shoot arrows and look good in latex.”

“That’s not true.” Sam disagreed.

“What? You saying I don’t look good in latex?” Clint offered a weak joke before sighing again and racking his hand through his hair. “Well, this has been fun and all but I’m gonna go lie down in my own bed now. It’s been a few days since I actually slept on a mattress.”

Steve’s face hardened out of frustration but a quick glance at Sam told him to let Clint go. “Sure. But we’ll pick up this chat again soon.”

“Probably not.” Clint disagreed with a small, bitter grin. “But thanks for trying.”

He scurried off with far less dignity than an Avenger should even be capable of but he wanted to be well away in case Steve changed his mind and hauled his ass back to the room. It was nice to know that his friends – well most of them anyway – cared enough to notice Clint’s weird behaviour but he was not in the mood to talk about his feeling to Captain America and his Merry Men. 

Yes, sleep sounded good. Perhaps he’d be able to sleep through the whole night without embarrassing himself. That’d be nice for a change.


	6. Chapter 6: Pity Party

After Clint had scuttled off to bed after embarrassing himself by acting like a hormonal teenage girl, Natasha later joined him. To be completely honest, despite his stealthy spy training he had absolutely no idea how she snuck into his room without him noticing until she was spooned up against him. He considered making a quip about getting her a bell but he figured he’d been through enough without Natasha drop kicking him off the Avenger’s Tower.

One of the things Clint loved most about Natasha was that she didn’t try and tell him it was going to be alright, she was just there. A solid presence, never judging, never pitying. Natasha might claim not to feel love, and perhaps it was true but Clint didn’t ever really mind: he had enough love for the two of them. 

The next morning she was gone, more down to the fact she probably had the hindsight to realise how embarrassed Clint would be over the whole ordeal. Which of course, she was totally right. It’s Natasha, of course she’s right, she’s always right. But Clint was grateful to her for everything and vowed to take her shopping and let her loose with the credit card. It wasn’t going to be Clint’s credit card of course, he wasn’t _that_ much of idiot but he figured Tony wouldn’t notice if a few grand went missing and besides Stark probably owed him for the whole ‘fridge of shame’ thing.

 

*****

 

Everyone was walking on eggshells around Clint. Well, apart from Natasha. Bucky, who seemed to have tact erased from his brain when he was turned into a mass murdering assassin even seemed aware enough to realise to be ‘delicate’ with Clint. It was wholly possible though that Bucky had been a jackass _before_ the whole brain washing thing and it was just a side effect of his personality. 

Even _Tony_ was trying to be supportive by offering Clint glasses of whiskey and awkward shoulder pats much to Clint’s amusement and confusion. 

Normally this sort of behaviour that was being exhibited by his teammates would be a cause of celebration for Clint, as well as a brilliant opportunity. For example, it would be easy to guilt his friends into doing things for him. He could be all, ‘I’m too pathetic to make myself a sandwich, help a guy out?’. Hell, he could play any prank he wanted without repercussions. All he’d have to do was switch on the sad puppy dog eyes. But it was all a tragic waste because all this tip toeing was making Clint feel even more useless than usual. 

The Avengers, bless their little avenging hearts, were trying their very best to make Clint feel good about himself and being entirely unsubtle about it despite their best efforts. He couldn’t really blame though – it was probably Steve’s plan and he was a worse liar than.. well actually Clint think of a worse liar than Steve.

It was clear to Clint that their goal was for Hawkeye to be the main feature on the news that night, and not for the reasons that he had been on it of late. And saving people and kicking bad guy’s asses of course. That bit was pretty important too, which by the way Clint did a pretty good job of. He got to say some really great one liner’s that he had been working on and kicked a guy through a window. It was pretty satisfying.

However his friend’s plan had one, great stinking flaw: they were his very famous, very attractive and very heroic friends. 

Meaning, every time they tried to get Clint in the limelight, the news crews would instantly leach onto Steve or Bruce and make them the hero of the hour. Clint didn’t mind of course, and he really did appreciate what they were trying to do for him but honestly? He just felt smothered. 

And that is why, when the camera crews were vying for the attention of his friends, Clint slipped away unnoticed into the dark maze of New York.


	7. Chapter 7: Rooftop Hotdogs

Somehow Clint found himself on the rooftop of a skyscraper overlooking the city. High places always made calm Clint down. He felt like he could think better, get a better perspective of things, not to mention the view was pretty damn spectacular. 

The city was painted in black and darkness, silhouettes of buildings standing tall and unmovable. Lights blinked everywhere too: headlights, billboards, apartments, streetlights. It was like looking down on your very own man made night sky, stars and all. Not everyone liked that sort of thing, perhaps preferring the real thing but Clint found it far more comforting than the vastness of space reminding how little he really is.

When Clint arrived on the roof of the tower, he found a person already there, sitting on the edge of the building. He hesitated, surveying the potential threat before relaxing and making his way over loudly so he wouldn’t scare the guy into falling off the building since that would really top off Clint’s evening. 

As he got closer, Clint recognised the red and blue costume of Spiderman. He didn’t know him very well but he seemed like a good enough guy: sometimes he helped out with Avenger’s related stuff. Clint had respect for him though. He was able to handle himself in a fight whilst spouting one liners that would make even Tony jealous. 

Clint sat on the edge next to him, legs hanging of the building. He glanced at Spiderman out of the corner of his eye. The guy’s mask was rolled up half way up his face and he appeared to be snacking on a hot dog. Honestly at this point, nothing surprised Clint anymore. He’d seen it all.

He nodded at Spiderman in acknowledgment. “Spidey.”

Spiderman turned to him. He had some tomato sauce lingering on the corner of his lips which he hadn’t seemed to nice. Spiderman grinned and nodded at him. “Hawk _guy_.”

Clint groaned. “You too? Damn, I thought you were on the good guys.”

“Don’t worry, it’s all good. I just couldn’t resist saying it the one time.” Spiderman replied with a chuckle. Clint couldn’t help but wonder who was under the mask. The guy sounded young but Clint realised he was middle aged and anyone under the age of thirty was ‘young’ to him. He was looking forward to the day he could be a grumpy old man who yelled at HYDRA agents to get off his lawn.

They sat in a companionable silence for a few moments, only interrupted by the sound of Spiderman eating when he suddenly turned to Clint. “I have another one of these y’know. Want it?”

Clint tilted his head and looked at Spiderman, not entirely sure if he was being serious or not and whether or not he actually wanted to accept the hot dog. After shaking off his suspicion and coming to the conclusion it probably _wasn’t_ poisoned, he spoke. “You know what? I do. I think that’s the best thing anyone’s said to me all day.”

Spiderman passed over the spare hot dog and Clint held it for a moment, inhaling the scent of the vinegary tomato sauce and burnt onions, before taking a large bite. It tasted like the hot dogs you could get from street vendors and Clint almost moaned. He’d missed this kind of food.

Not bothering to swallow his mouthful, he spoke, unable to keep in his praise. “Oh my god, these hot dogs are so damn good.”

“I know right? Why do you think I bought two?”

“Where the hell do you get these?”

Spiderman pointed out into the direction of the street. “A few blocks, that way. Guy in a stripy black and yellow apron.”

The lapsed back into silence as they ate. Inevitably Spiderman finished first, since he had started before Clint. The guy turned back to him and watched him for a moment, as if he was hesitating to ask Clint something. 

It seemed to Clint like he was a pretty nosy guy. Perhaps though, curious was a better word for it. He wondered if he was a journalist or something like that when he wasn’t wearing the mask. With his penchant for questions, the occupation would suit him well. Clint wondered with a moment of horror if maybe Spiderman without the mask had been at the press conference from hell. 

“Spit it out Spider. I don’t bite.” Clint prompted, unable to take the eyes burning the side of his head anymore.

“Ha ha har,” Spiderman mocked dryly. “Very funny. I was just wondering though.. you’re sitting on top of a skyscraper in the middle of the night. Any particular reason why?”

“Any particular reason why you are?”

Spiderman nodded. “Touché, touché.” He paused before taking a deep breath and talking again. “Girl troubles. That why I’m here. Thought I might be able to think about it better with one of Frankie’s hot dogs and a pretty view.”

“Is it working?” Clint asked, genuinely curious.

“No, not really.” Spiderman shrugged. “But I don’t feel so stressed about it. And I got some decent company out of it.”

“Only decent?” Clint protested.

“Meh.” Spiderman smiled. “Ok, so it’s your turn now.”

Clint glared at the city and kicked his dangling legs against the building side. “What is this? Circle time?”

Spiderman just stared at him silently though, with those creepy eyes on his mask wearing him down. Clint found himself caving and groaned. “Fine. It’s all this stuff with the media. First I was the Avenger that no-one remembered, and now I’m the Avenger that everyone thinks is an idiot. On top of that, the whole team are treating me with kiddie gloves and it’s smothering me. I have no idea what to do about it.”

There was a beat of silence before Spiderman spoke. “You’re joking right?”

“Does this face look like its joking?”

“Don’t get me wrong, all the other Avenger’s are pretty rad but you were always my favourite.” Spiderman replied earnestly.

“Now you’re joking.”

“Does this face look like its joking?” Spiderman replied sarcastically.

Clint quipped back in return. “No, it looks like some guy bought a mask that was too short his face.”

“But seriously – look at you man. All these guys on your team, they’ve got great stuff going for them. Steve and Bucky were injected with super soldier juice. Stark has got robot things that fly around and shoot shit. Dr Banner has a Hulk living inside of him. Thor is an actual God. But you? You’re human. You were trained by SHEILD and you kick ass with a bow and arrow. You’re human!” 

“Has anyone ever told you that you suck at motivational speeches?” Clint interrupted with a question. “Thank you for making me feel even worse about how unremarkable I am, really thank you.” 

“No!” Spiderman objected, “That’s exactly it! You are human. You don’t have any special abilities or powers to give you an edge. You have your skills and your intelligence, and your bow and arrow to defend yourself with. And you manage to do everything that the God of Thunder can do. A human!”

“Well, I can’t pick up Mjolnir or shoot lightening from the sky.” Clint pointed out feebly.

 

“You’re inspirational man. Little kids look up to you and think, ‘I could be a hero like Hawkeye one day.’ Do you know why? Because you _are_ a hero. But you’re an everyman hero. You’re a goal that’s reachable. You show that anyone can be hero: you don’t have to have special powers or whatever to be one.”

Clint looked at Spiderman, evaluating his sincerity. “You really think that?”

He smiled. “I know it. You can’t let this stuff with the media bother you. They’re just animals looking for the next cash scoop. Take each small victory for what it is. Just because it isn’t in the newspapers or the news, doesn’t mean it isn’t any less important. There are plenty are things for you to celebrate Clint – you’re a great guy.”

“Thank you.” Clint replied back solemnly. “Really. No-one’s ever said anything like that to me before and I doubt anyone will again. And I think I really needed that wake up call.”

Spiderman stood up and grinned, “Yeah, well not all heroes are an Avenger. Don’t forget what I said Clint. Now I gotta bounce before my Aunt notices I’m not in my room. See you later man.”

He threw out a web and hopped off the building and disappeared out into the street in possibly the coolest exit Clint had ever seen. It took a moment for Spiderman’s parting words to sink in but when they did, Clint looked over at the place where Spiderman had disappeared through in confusion. “Aunt? Who the hell are you kid?”

Clint was left sitting on the edge of a building with a half eaten hot dog with the question hanging in the air unanswered, and a real smile on his face for the first time in weeks.


	8. Chapter 8: Rear of the Year

After ‘the talk’ with Spiderman, Clint returned to Avenger’s Tower feeling a lot better about himself. Slowly everything went back to normal, though the Avenger’s still sometimes treated Clint with kiddie gloves. Clint however, went back to his missions and kicking ass except this time, he did it with a spring in his step. 

It was about two months after the whole incident when Clint came into the living area of the of Avengers Tower to see all his teammates huddled together by one of the tables, apparently looking at something and arguing between themselves.

“What’s going on?” Clint asked, making his way over to them. They seemed to ignore him as they squabbled.

“Shut up,” Clint could hear Tony tell someone, “Clearly, I’m going to win it. Right Brucie?”

Bruce, the only one who wasn’t clambered around the table, was sat on one of the couches reading a scientific magazine. He glanced over his glasses at Tony before looking back to the article he was reading. “Not a chance in hell. It’s a toss-up between Natasha and Steve. And don’t call me that.”

Tony stuck his tongue out at him childishly. “Traitor. Whatever you say dear.”

Clint shoved his way into the group to see what they were all looking at. A single iPad was lying on the table, opened on a website page. It was a magazine site, with the heading of the page in bold, bright letters announcing, ‘Rear of the Year Award 2015’. 

Ah, now he could see why they were all freaking their shit. ‘Rear of the Year’ was something all the Avenger’s were particularly competitive about, even Steve surprisingly. The top spot was usually a violent fight between Steve and Nat. Other celebrities never usually got a look in – though one year Nicki Minaj had everyone seriously concerned for a while.

“I forgot this was coming out today.” Clint announced.

“Yeah, well we’ve been waiting for you to come.” Tony replied impatiently. “Now what’re you waiting for? Scroll up to reveal the winner. I’ve got a lot of money riding on this.”

Clint rolled his eyes but obeyed anyway and scrolled the screen to show the top five ‘rears’. There was a moment of silence as everyone’s eyes seeked out the number one ass.

Suddenly, as everyone computed the winner, they all burst out into a flurry of words, talking over each other.

Tony: “No way.”

Natasha: “I can’t say I was expecting that.”

Bucky: “But Steve clearly has the nicest ass. I should know.”

Steve: “Shut up Bucky!”

Clint felt a hysterical laugh bubble up and escape as he blinked at the tablet.

_1# Rear of the Year: Clint Barton (Hawkeye)_

They even got his name right for once. Clint was struck by a sudden realisation:

It didn’t matter what the headlines and tabloids said about Clint. He was a badass secret agent. And besides: he just won Rear of the Year whilst competing against Black Widow and Captain Assmerica. 

He was pretty damn awesome.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to take this moment to thank everyone who's been reading and commenting. It means a lot and all your suggestions are fantastic and make me chuckle. I wish I could've fit them all in! It's been a fun 6 months writing this, and thanks for sticking with me! Whilst it's most definitely the stupidest thing I've ever written, I've had a fantastic time doing it. Thank you to everyone who helped me with it.
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos and comments, feedback is always appreciated and motivates me to write more! Come and find me on Tumblr at **[jimkivk](http://jimkivk.tumblr.com/)** , or if you're a book fan, come and find my book blog, **[williamherxndale](http://williamherxndale.tumblr.com/)**. (◡‿◡✿)


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